What are we spending our capacity on?
First, let me clarify what I mean by “our capacity”. When I say this, I’m referring to a person’s energy levels, attention, and emotional strength. We as humans have a limited amount of these personal resources, and yet so many of us choose to waste it on anger, judgement, and even intolerance.
Sometimes, new or different or even opposing ideas can make us uncomfortable. Many of us understand that no two people are alike and at least try to stay open-minded. However, sometimes we get caught in a trap of choosing judgement over understanding—we may even at times try to control those that we don’t understand. Oftentimes, what I’ve learned is that these thought patterns and behaviors often stem from fear of the unknown. Unfortunately, this kind of fear-based thinking can divide entire communities if it is left to fester.
It can be easy to judge people. We’ve all done it. But we have to ask ourselves if this judgment is worth our capacity. For myself, I have found that the answer is usually no, it’s not. It has taken quite a bit of reflection, but what I have found to be true is that we as people are extremely complex beings—each with our own stories and experiences. It’s always the case that we don’t have all the information in other people’s lives or what they have gone through. How can we judge people when we don’t truly know every detail? It’s not fair to anyone, including ourselves. I have found that judging people doesn’t make us feel better about ourselves, so why do we do it? Not only does it trap us in a constant loop of negativity, but it makes us harsher on ourselves. I might be an idealist here, but wouldn’t it be more productive if we learned and practiced being kinder to both ourselves and others?
Instead of spending our capacity on negativity, why don’t we put our energy towards bettering our world and helping the people around us? After all, helping others is shown to increase one’s quality of life and sense of community. Instead of scoffing, we could be patient. Instead of chastising, we could be compassionate. It doesn’t have to be large gestures—just being there to listen can often be enough. In his book Indictment, Benjamin Perrin talks about how Kaila—a woman struggling with drug and alcohol abuse—saw a “cup of coffee and a prayer from a stranger [as] a turning point” that led her down the road to recovery. We could be that person for just one person and have an incredible impact on someone’s life.
Sometimes it can be hard to tell when we are letting our fear of difference dictate our lives. But in moments of judgment or negativity, we need to remember that there are so many other beautiful, uplifting things to spend our capacity on. What will you spend your capacity on?
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